All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I AM VODKA MAN
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
