you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
