I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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