No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
