i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
