Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
