Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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