shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
