I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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