I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
