my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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