Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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