God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
