Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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