i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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