so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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