I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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