So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
