I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
