I bet he comes in French.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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