Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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