Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
