You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
They took my balls.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
