Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
