ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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