We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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