so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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