why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
