we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
