i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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