I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Define "chronic" masturbator.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
