billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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