Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
