My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
