I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
