hotel room ftw
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize