I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
