Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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