I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize