They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
