I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize