she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize