your parents love me but you hate me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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