Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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