New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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