The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
