Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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