Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We are all done wearing pants today
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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