he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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