i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
