If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
They took my balls.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
