I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
