so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
