He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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