You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
