So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I need to sanitize my soul.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
