i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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