I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
