Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
