did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
