Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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