I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
