hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
