And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
