The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
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